“Many people are not aware of the real difference between alone and loneliness. They mistakenly believe they are two words for the same condition. It is very important to understand these two conditions in as much as they are worlds apart.  Aloneness is the basis of our greatest strength; loneliness is a sign of our greatest weakness.  Aloneness is the mark of emotional maturity.  Loneliness is the unmistakable stamp of the immature.

Loneliness is the emptiness felt by a leaning, dependent individual when he has no one on whom to lean for comport, entertainment or support. The dependent person has not learned how to occupy himself in any interesting, productive manner. He seeks someone who will amuse, divert, distract and reassure him, so that he will not become aware of his inability to face the world alone. In short, he seeks a babysitter. He has not trained himself to invent activity of his own, to build, to make or to discover, explore and improvise in the world around him. He seeks someone to take him by the hand and lead him into greener pastures of enjoyment. When he can find no one who will make him the centre of their support and attention, he comes into contact with a deep and abiding loneliness.

Such individuals usually find it difficult to establish any enduring relationships. Because they are so non- productive and shallow in their lives, others find them boring companions and avoid them when possible.  They demand so much and give back so little. As a result, they are thrown back upon themselves, which reinforces their loneliness. But since they lack the basic amount of self reliance, their situation does not improve.

Aloneness, on the other hand, is very much like the stars coming out at night. We are unaware of our inner voice while our ears are filled with the clatter of outside voices – just as we are unable to see the start at noon because of the sun’s glare. The mature individual has learned to close his ears to conflicting voices outside himself and to listen to the sound of his own inner world.

Aloneness is the independent inner life when we have finally shut our ears to the competing voices of those who which to influence us and our own desire to influence them in turn. When we have let go of our own possessiveness, our desire to compete, dominate and exploit, our need for personal recognition and the other remnants of our childhood, then the inner voice is quite clear and a whole world opens up inside us. Everything comes to life and has a nature of its own. We can see directly into it without any desire to distort, improve, modify or change the outside world at all. We can see it for what it really is, without any stardust in our eyes to blind us.

Aloneness, then, is fullness of spirit and knows no feelings of want or poverty. Fullness is complete. Loneliness is the empty world of seeking for outside fires to warm us. It is the child who has lost his parents in a crowd and is terrified by his lack of knowing what to do. It is strange that two words that sound so much alike should point to such vastly different situations. Only by examining them at the acCon level can we truly know what happens.” p. 160-162

Reference

Beecher, W. and Beecher, M. (1966). Beyond success and failure: Ways to self-reliance and maturity. Marina del Ray, CA: DeVorss and Company.