Don Dinkmeyer created the ABC’s of joy which provides us with things that we can do to build our attitude of joy, humour, and challenge any negative patterns of thinking.
“A — Accepting and Affirming. Create positive statements which are self-affirming and increase self-acceptance. For example: “I am capable and confident. I am sure of myself. I am feeling positive about this experience.”
B — Boosting. Find something positive in a person to support and encourage. Communicate your positive feelings and support so the person feels encouraged and more able to meet the challenges of life. Supply an emotional “booster shot” to the other person’s self-esteem.
C — Courage. Be willing to make an effort and take a risk. Get rid of tentative, discouraged, self-defeating attitudes.
D — Debunking Discouragement. Challenge any discouraging thought, and focus on some positive aspects of the thought. To believe that making mistakes is dangerous or that you need to be perforce at everything constricts your movement. When you begin to recognize it’s all right to try, mistakes are only steps towards success, you’ve a new outlook on your potential. Thomas Edison captured this attitude most clearly when he was ached how he felt about the large number of times he attempted to invent the light bulb (well over 400 tries). He view the process positively: “I’ve learned over 400 ways not to create a light bulb!”
E — Encouraging is the capacity to see the positive, the potential and the possibilities in any effort. When you encourage others you also learn to be self-encouraging.
F — Feedback energizes a relationship if it clearly and sensitively communicates your attitudes and feelings to the other person. Your feedback doesn’t require that the person change, but it opens the communication to a clearer understanding of each other’s point of view. The feedback may communicate to the other person, “This is what I hear you saying …,” “This is how I’m experiencing you” …, or, “I’m feeling … (You’ll find lots of good deals about this in Chapter 11.)
G — Going For It. If you want something to happen in your life, such as a job or promotion, make the effort to toto get it. Be willing to take a chance instead of sitting back and waiting for what you want to me to you. The person who has a go-for-it attitude is enthusiastic and believes in herself.
H — Humour is the ability to see everything in perspective, to be able to see the light and humourous side of any problem. Humourists have the ability to make sudden perceptual switches so they can see the positive potential in what appears to be a negative event.
I — Involvement as Equals. Being equal doesn’t mean you’re the same another’s. It simply means that in terms of human worth, you’re no better or worse than anyone else. As Rudolf Dreikurs said, “We’re all in the same boat, with slightly different paddles.” When you’re interested in equality, you focus on the similarities between yourself and others, rather than the differences.
J — Joy is the ability to develop a feeling of enjoyment, inspiration, and enthusiasm. Joy can be developed from within you - from your beliefs and attitudes toward life - and isn’t just the result of external events or even feedback you receive.
K — Kinship involves believing you’re connected to others as their brother or sister. There is nothing to be gained from comparing yourself with or exploiting others. Instead, let there be fellowship and cooperation to work for the good of all.
L — Laughter is the medicine of the spirit and the soul. It also has been demonstrated to have considerable psychological and physical benefit. When you laugh, you feel better. It really is that simple.
M — Meditation gives you the opportunity to clear your mind and concentrate on the positive, through a focused process that is reenergizing and creates a peaceful state.
N — Living in the Now. When you live consciously here and now, you’re consistently away and appreciative of where you are at each moment. You’re no longer involved in looking back into the past with regrets and blame, nor are you apprehensive about or fearful of the future. Instead you recognize the precious value of the present moment.
O — Openness. Being open, honest and c congruent means you’re able to share what you honestly feel, believe, think, and experience, with no attempt to manipulate. You feel safe in sharing your honest beliefs - and allowing others to do the same.
P — Positive emotions help you see ways to move away from the negative and to benefit from the energy that comes from being positive. Positive emotions strengthen individuals and provide a route to a joyful, happy, and satisfying life.
Q — Quit Quarreling. By not quarrelling you reduce the tension and discord that often com from “being right,” trying to be in control, or getting your way. If you’re willing to give up these competitive goals, there is no purpose in fighting.
R — Responsiveness is the capacity to hear the other person’s feelings, identify them and respond sensitively to them. This can be done by stating, “I hear your pain. You’re feeling very sad. You sound angry and upset. You seem to feel people are not treating you fairly.”
S — Self-Esteem and Social Interest. Self-esteem is a feeling of worth and value that is created internally. Social interest is the ability to give and take and to cooperate with others. Combining self-esteem and social interest results in feelings of enjoyment, acceptance, enthusiasm and energy - a natural high.
T — Trust. Trust your judgments and feelings and those of others. Learn to become aware of your feelings. Lack of awareness makes it difficult to trust others. Also, others may not trust you unless they experience trust from you.
U — Understanding your own beliefs, feelings, values, priorities, and goals will help you to be more comfortable with yourself and more effective in your relationships.
V — Valuing. Developing a sense of your own value can be aided by self-affirmation - learning to accept and state positive feelings and beliefs about ourself. Once you truly value yourself, you’re then able to communicate clearly to others that you value them.
W — Wellness. Learn too achieve physical and mental wellness and how to produce wellness, and our life energy will greatly increase. Positive beliefs, physical exercise and good health habits contribute to wellness.
X — cellence. Excellence is the desire to do as well as you can but without any need for comparisons. You may feel you’re “not good enough” when compared to others, but realize that you don’t really need to be more or less than others. You need to do the very best you can and accept the fact your performance stands alone, with merit.
Y — Yielding. Letting go. Stop handing on to things that need to be released. Old anger, feelings of revenge, the desire to get even, negative thoughts - all these only increase your unhappiness. Release what is harmful. Make room for the positive.
Z — Zest. Enthusiasm, appetite for, and involvement with the total life process produces a restful approach to life. For example, you can choose to approach life’s difficulties as challenges to be met, rather than problems to be overcome. Challenges can energize and encourage, problems can de-energize and discourage.” (p. 166-170)
Think about these 26 ABC’s of Joy and how you can incorporate any or all of them in your life. People are responsible for their feelings and thoughts. Change from negative to positive thinking and choose emotions that make you happy and enhance your life.
Reference
McKay, G. And Dinkmeyer, D. (1994). How you feel is up to you. Impact Publishers, San Luis Obispo, CA.